Chat GPT Gave Me Rizz

Details of this story are changed for privacy 

Today, I asked Chat GPT how to slide into someone’s DMS. 

In my defense, I genuinely didn’t know what to say. 

Earlier this Sunday morning, while completing my self-care routine: washing my hair, cleaning my room, downing my soggy overcooked brussel sprouts (#wife material)– I was deeply contemplating deleting Hinge. AGAIN. I think I’ve deleted Hinge almost as many times as I’ve been on dates. And I’ve been on a lot of dates. 

I was feeling a bit down because, well, my date canceled on me today. 

This was a nice, proactive, thoughtful date prospect who had suggested the Time and the Place of our date within two days of talking (WHAT A UNICORN RIGHT? Or is this just the bare minimum…) ANYWAY, He said he was sick. 

Well, I thought to myself, my throat hurt a little too but I was willing to sacrifice YOUR health, how come you can’t do the same SMH for me …

Honestly, there were no hard feelings, we are POST COVID, and everyone should take care of themselves, but the cancellation of the date reminded me that I was never that excited about going on the date in the first place. 

When we matched, my first thought was ooohh, this man has dreamy eyes, but then when my dick stopped being hard, I thought – wait do we have anything in common? A quick re-glance at his profile told me everything I needed to know: him on a baseball field (NOPE), a picture of him jumping into a lake (HELL NO), and him with his all-white friend group (YIKES). It brought me back to one of the famous dating debates: Am I Being Close-Minded or are my standards TOO Low? After all, isn’t having common interests one of the hallmarks of a great relationship?

Right as my finger was about to flick to the DELETE section, I quickly checked out the Hinge Stand Outs. Most of which were worse than usual, but there was one man. “Max.” 

Max had turned his profile into a slide show. The title “Why You Should Date Me”, was an epic introduction to an even more compelling presentation. His profile looked like one of those endearing videos that you see on TikTok but never see in real life, much less your hinge standout section. Or, when you do see it, it’s a cloying regurgitation of a trend on TikTok. 

But that wasn’t Max’s profile. I tend to be bad at hyping up men, but I have to give him his kudos, this profile was endearing, thoughtful, personable – and colorful. I was immediately able to imagine what life with him would be like – we would go to sushi restaurants, and take pleasant walks on the beach during the sunset. 

And yet still felt like there was so much more I wanted to learn about him. He had a slide of Fun facts that were actually fun, not annoying. His drawings showed a creative mind and fun spirit, and even better his values slide showed me that his values were all in the right place: my place. The only problem? Was that he was in my Hinge ‘Standouts’ section, and I had already used my rose for that week. 

Until… 

I saw that he linked his Instagram to his profile. 

Panic. Immediately. Do I reach out to him? Do I not? His Instagram page was littered with pictures of him at ComicCon Events, so clearly he REALLY likes comics, and I only marginally do, and also, he lives in Long Island which is lowkey a long ass commute….

But ACTUALLY, really, the only problem here is I have no idea what to say. 

I have 0 rizz. 

Not a single one. 

Nope. 

Guys always tell girls that they don’t need any rizz. In reality, this statement has the same energy as a girl saying “All we want is a man with money.” NO. Boys and girls only want one thing, and what they want is someone with rizz.

So I went to CHAT GPT. 

In admitting this, I’m worried that my dating life may come off as inauthentic or unreliable. But that’s not it for me. The reason I went to CHAT GPT is because there are two languages– the language of speaking in person, and the language of how to come across online. And with all of my hinge success, it is slowly dawned on me that I may be struggling with how to come across online. 

I also know that CHAT GPT is a temporary solution. It’s like a cover letter okay? Your cover letter and your resume are in no way reflective of all of the amazing attributes that you as a prospective candidate may bring to the job position or the interview. However, it still needs to be fire. And I simply just don’t know how to translate all of my amazingnes online. 

So I went to CHAT GPT For help. I figured, if I could ask it for a suggestion, maybe I could craft the perfect pickup line that would make him sit up and notice me. Underlying this idea was fear. I secretly worried that if I said the wrong thing, I would be rejected for what I said or for who I am. How will I know if he likes me unless someone else speaks for me, right? 

So here’s what I wrote. 

Hey chat GPT. I saw this guy on hinge and he's so cool. He turned all of the pictures on his bio into a presentation of why someone should date him. The fun facts about him include that he's a dedicated fish owner, which I love, he is very creative, he is currrently in therapy for social and I hav social anxiety and have recieved therapy as well because he prioritizes someone with metal health.  one of his prompts said that lgbtq rights womens rights bodily autonomy were really important to him. I am looking for someone who is justice oriented and who is in therapy, and he's cute on top of that! He put his instagram in his profile and I want to send him a message. However, I have no rizz. What do I say?

And Here’s What Chat GPT said. Here’s what it said: 

Hi there! It sounds like you've come across someone intriguing on Hinge. Since he's shared a lot about himself in a creative way, you can start by complimenting his unique presentation style. Here's a suggestion:

"Hey [His Name]! I came across your profile, and I have to say, turning your pictures into a presentation is such a creative and fun idea – I love it! It's awesome to see someone who's dedicated to their pets (I'm a pet lover too!), values mental health, and is passionate about justice issues. Your commitment to LGBTQ rights, women's rights, and bodily autonomy really caught my attention. It's great to connect with someone who shares those values. Also, kudos for being open about therapy – I totally get the importance of mental health. Would love to chat more and get to know you better! 😊"

Feel free to adjust the message based on your own style and the specific details you want to highlight. Good luck!

Here’s what I said: 

Hi Mark! I came across ur profile, and I have to say, turning your pictures into a presentation is such a cool idea. I’m a pet lover too, who values mental health justice issues. Would love to chat more and get to know you better!

Thoughts? 

If I’m being completely honest, I don’t know if there is one single opening line that “gets” it. I’ve heard of stories of women being picked up with the most atrocious pickup lines. I’ve heard of men being flattered that women reached out first, and men being repulsed by it. I don’t think my message, written by CHAT GPT or not, has any lasting significance. 

What I do sense in myself is a growing uncertainty. In dating, similar to jobs you get no feedback. And similar to the job market, we are in a bad dating market. 

In the same way that men are taught that they must constantly be the ones to approach women, we as women aren’t given clear examples of how to approach men that we are interested in. We are often given conflicting or discouraging advice. People have told me that approaching a man first is the reason why I’m single because I’m desperate. People have also told me that I’m too closed off, which is why mean don’t approach. 

I have read enough about relationships and love to know that that is also not true, and yet, I still don’t have a good sense of what is right. Even more,  I don’t have a good sense of what is right for me. I have too many variables to sift through. 

It’s hard for me to tell if I’m not having success because I have no rizz, which is the funny answer, or if it is something else. As a black woman, there are a million other things I could be rejected for. My skin color. My weight. My profile. 

I have decided that there’s nothing I can do except, keep finding new reasons to go after what I want in my future partner, by making myself vulnerable in new and in different ways.